I think I have a problem. I’m addicted to books and stories. Let me tell you what happens sometimes. I get really involved in a story. And then I lose track of the rest of the world. I sit down to read for maybe an hour or so before I go on to do other things. After telling myself “just one more chapter” about ten times, I get to the point where I look at the clock and look at how much I’ve read and how much is left to read. And I realize that I will do nothing else, including sleep, until I finish the book. Last night I learned I can read a 350 page book in 3 ½ hours. Score 1 for Reading Skills; 0 for Productivity.
That’s an entertaining story to me but I have come to a greater realization about my love of books and stories. My enneagram type had a hand in this one I think. I’m going with Type 5 with a 4 wing in case anyone wants to know. Here’s the realization: I use the world of stories (books, tv shows, movies, the ones in my head) as a way to escape from the world until I’m fully ready to participate again. When I first started thinking back to when my love affair with stories began, I initially thought it began with the Lord of the Rings after my mom died. But I think it goes back further than that. I think it might go back as far as Nancy Drew. I think this has been a pattern all my life.
That’s not to say I don’t love books and stories for healthy reasons too. I love the creativity that it takes to tell a story and define characters. There is nothing quite like the joy found in reading a great story. But I also think I have needed stories as a crutch to help me survive and cope. I can look back and see how getting lost in a story (written by someone else or created in my own head) was something I desperately needed. Almost like an addict looking for her next fix. For me, stories are my drug. And my obsession can go from healthy love to unhealthy dependency in a blink of an eye.
As I work to become healthier (mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually), I find myself going to the world of stories less and less for the escape and more and more for the pure enjoyment. I call that a victory. Now that I am more aware of the reasons why I go to the world of stories, I can make sure that I’m going there for the right reasons. And if I am trying to escape, I can take a moment to confront the reasons why I feel the need.
I will always love the world of stories. They are a part of who I am and one of my greatest passions. I couldn’t stop reading or creating stories even if I tried. But I want to make sure that I am leveraging that love for the greatest possible good. So that means finding the unhealthy parts and doing my best to change.
Life as a Human Phoenix 